Following My Curiosity
I’ve long struggled with fun. I associated being responsible with being in control and fun seemed like a loss of control. The more responsible I felt I needed to be, the less fun I allowed until I realized that I did nothing but work.
I worked outside of the house and when I was home I was either working, cleaning, or feeling guilty about not working or cleaning. My stress level was through the roof and I felt awful all of the time.
As a naturally curious person, I like to learn new things and figure things out. As a kid, I did so all day, every day. As an adult learning had come largely through my job. However, I found myself in a job that was no longer a challenge. I was good at it but it wasn’t the right fit anymore. I needed to stretch and grow again.
I leaned into my curiosity a little bit at a time. I started to read more, I started to write, I tried to teach myself to play the piano which was fun but not really my thing, the musical skills in my family live in other people. I started to travel more and I was able to indulge my curiosity that way. I love learning about new places and how other people live their daily lives.
I found that as I traveled more often, I was able to follow my curiosity, and I was having so much fun! Nothing brought home this notion more than being dubbed “Fun Mom” on vacation by my then 9-year-old. That broke my heart because I knew she was right, I was a different person at home. On vacation, I was able to balance responsibility, curiosity, and fun! I was willing to try or investigate just about anything while we were away but it took a while for me to bring that balance home. As everyone does, I’d formed habits that made up large parts of my life and it took time to dismantle the ones that weren’t serving me anymore.
I leaned even further into my curiosity which eventually led to me changing my career. These last few years, I’ve learned to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I actually seek out opportunities to do so. Sometimes things work out and sometimes they don’t but I don’t constantly feel stressed and ill anymore. I can once again find fun in most things. I laugh a lot. I feel as though letting the fun in has helped bring balance to my life. I’m still very responsible and I take my job and parenting seriously but being curious has allowed me to find ways to weave fun into all aspects of my life.
It’s nice to feel like me again.
It took me a while to get here but that’s why I’m so passionate about helping other people do the same. I don’t regret any part of my journey but I do wish I’d asked for help a bit sooner.
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